Worst Pickup Lines of 2014 and Ever

Jon Skindzier did this

Jon Skindzier did this

How does it feel to be the most beautiful girl in the room? Please go over there and ask her for me.

You must be lost, because Heaven is a long way from here! Heaven is an incredibly disgusting strip club down the road.

If I had a nickel for every time you crossed my mind I would have five cents because you crossed my mind and stayed there and also I am incredibly poor.

You must be a circus clown, because you’re really turning me on! I have a bizarre problem.

You’re like a tower, in that “Eiffel” in love with you! Please read the printed-out version of this pickup line so that it has a remote chance of making sense.

When I saw you, I thought I’d died and gone to Heaven, but actually I am schizophrenic.

You must be a parking ticket, because you are draped over my windshield and the police are after me.

Is that a mirror in your pants? Because they are clearly large enough to accommodate one.

If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you let me have sex with it please

Hi, my name is insert name. *continues reading from phone* Click “next” for more pickup lines. One weird trick for a local mom weight loss

Baby, you must know karate, because your body is kickin’ me repeatedly as I chase you through this warehouse.

If you stood in front of a mirror holding eleven roses, you would see twelve of the most beautiful things in the world, because I would be standing over your shoulder.

Honey, you’re like the doorstep of an orphanage, because I want to give you my babies and then forget about them.

Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost trying to sneak into your house.

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by your house with my spy goggles again?

I am inside your house

They say that kissing burns five calories a minute. Let’s go burn two calories and then whatever the sex calories are.

Are those space pants? Because there is a lot of space in them.

Stand still, because I need to pick you up! Oh God you are enormous

My friend over there wants to know if you think I’m cute. He’s the one with the, uh, haircut, and a football, and I actually have no idea what a friend looks like.

I’m in trouble, baby, because you’ve got all those curves, and me with no brakes! Seriously I need someplace to lay low for a while.

Girl, you must be Google, because I just found what I’ve been searching for! Full disclosure: all I do is sit in my room Googling “girl” over and over again

Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? According to Encyclopedia Britannica, between 900 and 1,200 pounds. (Stand there awkwardly for several seconds and then slink away)

Guess what’s on the menu? Me ‘n u and probably a shitload of mezcal.

Why don’t you hold my hand while we go for a walk? *produces human hand from inside trench coat*

Baby, you must be wearing Nikes, because I want to Just Do It! You must work at KFC, because you’re finger lickin’ good! You must be a soulless receptacle for corporate slogans, because advertising parlance is our only remaining common ground in this doomed world