The Terrible Stock Graphic Caption Contest

  1. “My bed’s a ghost. Just be cool about it.”
  2. “I miss my Magic Eight Ball. The Internet isn’t giving me any good answers about this rash.”
  3. “No emails AGAIN? Everyone in middle school was right. I AM A SAD PUDDING PERSON. QUEL EST LE POINT?! Oh wait, computer isn’t on.”
  4. “Not enough porn. Never enough porn.”
  5. “After spending all night in my bed-box, it’s nice to cut loose and browse Pinterest for more neat-o hand-carved chairs like this one I’m sitting in.”
  6. “Gosh! I do want to click here to learn more about this one weird old trick.”
  7. “I wonder why I still have that rotary phone next to my bed. It’s 2015! Maybe I should Ask Jeeves.”

  1. “All riiiiighhht! Hey you guys wanna get in on this high-five?” / “No thanks, we’ll just watch.”
  3. “So how does that high-five feel? Describe it to us, we’ll take notes.”
  4. “Tom and Susan, great work! High-five each other! Ted and Linda, your work was good, but not great. You can watch Tom and Susan high-five.”
  5. “Can you guys stop high-fiving? The company just lost fifty thousand dollars.” / “God why do you have to be such a Betty Bitch all the time, Linda?”
  6. “We’d like to present our next great business idea: the ‘Pyramid Scheme’!!! Get it? We’re like, making a triangle with our arms. Whatever you get it.”
  7. “They look like they’re having so much fun. Why can’t we be like them?” / “We are like them. We are literally exactly like them.”
  8. “So now the girl is supposed to crawl between the two of you standing there high-fiving, and…?”

  1. “Let’s see, I can do Thursday at 2.” / “I love it when we schedule emotional intimacy using hard eye contact method, but I’ve got latent grieving at 2:30.”
  2. “Oh shoot, Thursday is all booked up. I have to spend the day ironing these BUSINESS CAPRI PANTS.”
  3. “And if you crush enough candy, you get even more candy!” / “Get out of my office, Brenda.”
  4. “Hmm…What if we called it a…’Pool Noodle’?” / “Nope. Already exists.” / “REALLY?! Wowowowow.”
  5. “Ugghhh he still hasn’t texted back! It’s been like two hours!” / “Maybe he’s busy.” / “He’s not, I’m looking at him right now!”
  6. “Hm…what we need is some fresh ideas around here.” / “I’ve got one, how about I get a chair, too?”
  7. “What’s your filing system doing on the floor? Do you even use it down there?” / “Nah, I take every client’s contract, rip it up and eat it. No paper trail. Keeps my regular.”