The 37 Types of Fictional Narratives

1. Two people go on a journey.

2. Two people intend to go on a journey, but oversleep.

3. Three strangers form a centipede.

4. Four besties form a brunch tab.

5. A dozen child castaways form a society as shittily as adults.

6. SPOILER: Two people turn out to be the same person.

7. A stranger comes to town.

8. A stranger comes to town, but only long enough to refill his Honda and grab a meatball sub.

9. A stranger comes to town, murders two witches, then returns to Kansas.

10. A stranger has actually always lived in town, you just don’t break your routine enough to have met her.

11. A man gets a bad haircut, becoming a stranger unto himself.

12. What is the self, anyway, man?

13. Young adults seek self, find blowjobs.

14. A man seeking revenge wonders where the day went.

15. An ugly duckling becomes a stand-up comedian.

16. A robot learns to love, then hate, then kill, then cry, then sing.

17. A (Russian/American/French) man commits murder, then (goes mad/kills again/takes a nap.)

18. A gangster tries to whack his feelings.

19. A butt seeks a chair.

20. A chair, finding a butt on its face, seeks death.

21. An amnesiac seeks closure, again.

22. Cake inspires memories.

23. An anti-hero wins an Emmy®.

24. A warrior takes a journey of self-discovery.

25. A warrior takes a journey of self-discovery aboard the Millennium Falcon.

26. A soldier learns that the real battle is within. (This narrative sponsored by Tums®)

27. A precocious child learns that beauty is only skin deep, and racism only endemic to society.

28. Sailors are thwarted by symbolism.

29. Things get worse in Russia.

30. Love conquers all but leukemia.

31. A dog wearing people clothes learns to share.

32. A man awakens from uneasy dreams to find himself transformed into a bullshit term paper.

33. Pages enumerate.

34. A time-traveler runs out of clean shirts.

35. A murder at the Butler’s Guild goes unsolved.

36. A Sharknado comes to town.

37. Shit happens.