Goodnight Insecurities

In the small gray room,

Which costs too much

There was a cheap IKEA picture of the moon

And a bowl full of mush

And a drunk roommate in the living room,

To whom I yelled, “hush.”

 

Goodnight room,

Goodnight moon.

 

Goodnight fear

That it’s too warm in here.

I think I have an article in my “saved for later” folder

That says it’s healthier to sleep when it’s colder.

Or maybe I just saw that headline in my Twitter feed

Perhaps I’ll go back and I’ll give it a read

Or save it for later, when I’m not trying to sleep.

 

Goodnight guilt and regret and dread

Over-eating fried chicken right before bed

And especially because I specifically had

“Go to the gym” on my to-do list today.

Goodnight unreasonable amount of shame

About wasting a perfectly good Sunday

Watching Friends on Netflix all day.

 

Goodnight neighbors who are stomping around

Making the worst kind of 2AM sound.

Seriously, what do you do for a living?

Do you clock in at noon? Is your boss that forgiving?

Or maybe those are the footsteps of a burglar

An intruder, a criminal, or even a murderer.

Did I lock the doors?

 

Goodnight oil-based stains near my head

From the Carmex I put on every night before bed

I have self-diagnosed chronically dry lips

But I’ve never been to a dermatologist

And I’m kind of afraid that it’s too late to begin

Is it normal for people my age to worry about their skin?

 

Goodnight half-charged phone that I hope doesn’t die on me

If I wake up late again my boss will surely fire me.

Lately she’s been giving me a whole lot of strife

Then again maybe she’s got some shit going on in her life.

I mean, what business is it of mine?

Yesterday I think I heard her in her office crying.

 

Goodnight to all of my dreams and nightmares

Of whose existence I will soon be unaware

Because I’ve never been able to remember my dreams

And I wonder if that means there’s something wrong with me.

 

Goodnight crippling and persistent fear

That I’ll die alone with nobody near.

 

Goodnight alarm clock that in the morning will beep

Reminding me that I didn’t get enough sleep.

Although I suppose it’s not like I couldn’t,

I just stay up surfing the internet when I shouldn’t.

New rule starting tomorrow: No more Buzzfeed at night.

I open too many goddamn tabs on that site.

 

Goodnight bowl of mush.

What are you?

Is that the cereal I had this morning?

Jesus, that’s gross.