A List of States and Capitals, In Which the Name of the Capital is Replaced by Something That Happened to Me There

Photo cred: istockphoto + janet manley

Photo cred: istockphoto + janet manley

Threw Up in an IHOP Bathroom, Nebraska

Dated a Guy Who Went on to Date Jenny McCarthy, Illinois

Drove There From Another State Specifically to See the Cowgirl Museum Only to Discover That the Cowgirl Museum is Closed on Mondays and Turned Around and Went Home, Wyoming

Bought a Pair of Pajama Pants That Lasted Me 10 Years, Washington

Threw Out the First Pitch at a Minor League Baseball Game, Arkansas

Put Headphones on to Drown Out Four of My Co-Workers Screaming at Each Other, South Carolina

Watched the Miss Teen USA Pageant at a Holiday Inn, Massachusetts

Accidentally Attended a Wet T-Shirt Contest, South Dakota

Got Drunk Alone at a Major League Baseball Game, Colorado

Tried to Act Cool While Having a Safe Sex Talk with my Little Brother, Virginia

Got Into a Serious Fight with a Friend About a Harmonica, Georgia

Watched a Tour Guide Point to the Horizon and Say “That’s Where Elizabeth Smart Was Taken From,” Utah

Attended a Party Where Allegedly Eminem Was Going to Show Up So Every Time the Doorbell Rang People Freaked Out But He Never Came, Michigan

Was Conceived, California

Ate at Chipotle, Kansas