REAL ESTATE NOT THE BAND

Staging Recommendations for 119 Maple Avenue

Thank you for inviting me into your charming home and for putting your trust in me. I promise to do whatever I can to help

Staging Recommendations for 119 Maple Avenue

WAITING FOR THE ORDER OF PHOENIX

He-Who-Might-Not-Arrive

A country road. A tree. Evening.   Estragon, sitting on a low mound, is trying to take off his boot. He pulls at it with

A MAN GETS ON A BUS AND CRIES 12 TEARS

Seven Brain Teasers

What is the next number in the sequence? 1, 2, 4, 8, __. You are in an anteroom with two doors leading out. Behind one

WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO GIVE A TED TALK YOU SAY YES

Athena, Goddess of Wisdom, Delivers a TED Talk

What is wisdom? What is genius? What is creativity? Wouldn’t you all fucking like to know. What the hell are you people doing? I take

Athena, Goddess of Wisdom, Delivers a TED Talk

WHEN CAN I TAKE VACATION THO

To Whom It Probably Doesn’t Concern At All

Dear Ms. Benowitz, I am an experienced writer with a background in digital media, an ardor for online publishing, and a proficiency in using Thesaurus.com.

To Whom It Probably Doesn't Concern At All

OH NOT EVEN A CHUCKLE

At The Novelist Open Mic, Even Writers Can Fail in Public

Until the novelist open mic, feeling bad about your writing in public was a right reserved for standup comics. NO MORE. BackFat Variety is a comedic

WE CANNOT REPLACE WATERLOGGED MONEYMAKER

Before You Shake Your Moneymaker

After removing your new Moneymaker from its carton, carton inserts, and polybags, we suggest that you save all packaging materials in case future shipping of

IS THAT PINK EYE OR BLOOD?

Guide to Owning Your First Necronomicon

If you’re reading this, you recently found yourself in possession of a Necronomicon. First of all, congratulations! The tome you hold in your hands contains

Guide to Owning Your First Necronomicon

TOTAL EXTERMINATION OF THE HEART

How to Identify and Cope With Your Miniature Unicorn Infestation

While termites, cockroaches, and neighbors who are anti-vaxxers can be handled discretely, a miniature unicorn infestation is something you need to act on quickly as

How to Identify and Cope With Your Miniature Unicorn Infestation

MY GOD IS TALL AND HOT AND SEE-THROUGH

It’s Never Too Early to Talk to Your Child About My God

Childhood is a difficult, complex time. We often idealize it as a period of carefree enjoyment, filled with hopscotch and other fun-labor, but that is

It’s Never Too Early to Talk to Your Child About My God